Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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