I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
