he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
