He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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