the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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