dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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