at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
