that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
