ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize