I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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