sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
