she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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