Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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