shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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