Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
