drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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