So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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