I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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