Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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