I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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