never play flip cup with pint glasses
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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