omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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