he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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