I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
