kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
