i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
