so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
