enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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