Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
