Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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