I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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