Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize