you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
