just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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