I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
