The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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