Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
