His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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