and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
