I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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