My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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