it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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