This girl is more easily done than said...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
