She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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