what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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