We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
