She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
