I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
