happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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