she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
