Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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