A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
