I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
