You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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