well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
