I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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