Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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