I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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