I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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