she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
