i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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